I couldn't help but overhear this talk in a coffee place recently. A couple of young men had gotten together for coffee and a quick bite. The men were talking shop and from there it moved to a bitching session about a woman colleague who in their opinion was getting preferential treatment only because she smiled a lot and dressed in a 'hep' manner. I was amused to hear a man say he had no problem with women working at all and in fact he had 'allowed' his wife to work and that she was earning quite well. From there the topic went to women and working. Another young man said his young wife wanted to study and he had told her he had no problem with it as long as she did the needful at home, as in cooking and taking care of his aged parents. Another wife was pointed out as being a dancer and the others patted their friend's shoulder and said, 'Arre wah, your wife still dances after marriage,' for which the man said, 'I just stay away, she does her own thing!'
I am no fiery feminist in the true sense of the word for me to just march up to these guys in the style of asking ‘does your paste have salt?’ and ask ‘are you guys for real in this day and age?’ but as a woman I was amused and offended in some ways. Amused that in this day and age men still use the word ‘allow’ in relation to their wives and offended that a women’s academics or career came with the tag ‘as long as’ and they think that her smile and sense of dressing is enough to get work done. It is also very sad that a woman does not have the support of that one person she gave up all that she has grown up being used to, to come and live with him and has to face this indifference in the name of ‘she does her own thing’. Women in our country may have come a long way in terms of breaking free of stereotypes but they still have a long way to go.
Like Martin Luther King, I too have a dream, of a future time, where men and women are equals in the truest sense of the word, with no prejudices or biases, or a need to lord over or control, with no cynicism or bitterness or a sense of one-upmanship, or of even borne of being of that sex, but one that is borne out of education, knowledge and liberation, based on mutual respect, compatibility and nurturing, where support is in plentiful, where they see the best version of themselves in each other and would do their damndest best to make that grow, where there is pride in seeing the other half fly, where ego and a sense of superiority have no place, only trust and confidence flourish., where man and woman walk hand in hand to create a beautiful world for the future generations.
I live in hope…
I am no fiery feminist in the true sense of the word for me to just march up to these guys in the style of asking ‘does your paste have salt?’ and ask ‘are you guys for real in this day and age?’ but as a woman I was amused and offended in some ways. Amused that in this day and age men still use the word ‘allow’ in relation to their wives and offended that a women’s academics or career came with the tag ‘as long as’ and they think that her smile and sense of dressing is enough to get work done. It is also very sad that a woman does not have the support of that one person she gave up all that she has grown up being used to, to come and live with him and has to face this indifference in the name of ‘she does her own thing’. Women in our country may have come a long way in terms of breaking free of stereotypes but they still have a long way to go.
Like Martin Luther King, I too have a dream, of a future time, where men and women are equals in the truest sense of the word, with no prejudices or biases, or a need to lord over or control, with no cynicism or bitterness or a sense of one-upmanship, or of even borne of being of that sex, but one that is borne out of education, knowledge and liberation, based on mutual respect, compatibility and nurturing, where support is in plentiful, where they see the best version of themselves in each other and would do their damndest best to make that grow, where there is pride in seeing the other half fly, where ego and a sense of superiority have no place, only trust and confidence flourish., where man and woman walk hand in hand to create a beautiful world for the future generations.
I live in hope…
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