It was when I saw him being the complete masterful charmer that I had always known him to be with yet another woman that I decided, enough was enough. I had to move on! I surely deserved better.
I did the next best thing! I slept with another companion! I call him Rationality. Even though he knew I was with him on the rebound, he sat me down and it was his soothing voice that resonated through the troubled waters of my mind as he asked, ‘Does he even know of your existence? Have you made him aware of your presence? Have you given him a chance to get to know you? What have you done to attract him? To come to you? How do you expect him to know or feel the love you have locked inside your heart?’ All those questions made sense. ‘So what do I do?’ I asked my friend. In his usual calm voice he said, ‘Tell him how you feel and if he genuinely feels your longing, he’ll come to you!’
That very evening, in the twilight hour, I lit the lamps of hope around my house to dispel the darkness. There shall be light, from now on, in every way. I was going to open the doors of my heart for him to show him the lamp I’d lit in my heart and had secretly guarded against all odds. I had called him and he’d promised to come at the appointed hour. I waited on the swing, my eyes closed, a primitive beat in my heart, in anticipation of our union. I waited for him to ignite the desire I have carried for a long time.
Tonight will be the night! I trembled as I felt the first stirrings of excitement. The night air caressed my face and I opened my eyes! I didn’t need to turn around to see him. Was this moment really true? The nape of my neck prickled! And I just knew! He was here! The joyous song in my heart picked up its momentum! I closed my eyes to lose myself in the sheer depth of this moment which was finally here. He hovered behind me as I looked down, too shy to turn around and open my arms to him. He decided to indulge me this once. He strode from behind me and stood in front of me, just looking at me, silently challenging me, in all his magnificence, ‘here I am.’ He was giving me a chance, to express myself, to show him what he meant to me. I ought to seize it with both my hands!
I closed my eyes yet again to summon the purest love I felt for him in the deepest recesses of my heart. I arched my body, throwing back my head, my arms spread out in abject surrender as it surged through me. He inched closer, he was still testing me. I looked at him from the very core of my soul, whispering softly, reaching out to him, beckoning him to come and fill me with his presence and complete me. In that one moment, our world stood still, my love, my entirety begging him to accept me and take me into his world. It reached him, because, in the next moment I was in his arms! Like it was always meant to be! Our joyous coming together heralded by ripples of pleasure and fulfillment that spread and lit up the night skies in my universe!
Yes, Attaana! My beloved raga had finally come home to me!
P.S : Attana is a raga (musical scale) in Carnatic music (South Indian classical music). It is a Janya raga (derived scale), whose Melakarta raga (parent, also known as janaka) is Shankarabharanam, 29th in the 72 Melakarta raga system.
It is considered to be a very catchy raga that gives a stage flavor for a musician when everything is going dull in a concert. It stimulates the audience by its qualities of Veeram (courage) and Gambeeram (dignity and dynamism).